Nurturing a Highly Sensitive Child: Ongoing Support and Guidance

Spoiler Alert: Did you know that one in every five children is a highly sensitive child? That means one in every classroom, one on every sports team, and one in almost every family. If you have a highly sensitive child in your life, you know the challenges and delight that come with raising them. As a parent, it’s sometimes overwhelming to navigate intense emotions and their unique needs. But you’ve got this, and I’m here to help with five really important and practical tips on providing ongoing support for a highly sensitive child.

image of young girl and mother trying to catch butterflies

Imagine for a moment that you have a glass. And let’s say that it’s half full of marbles. For everything that you do to support your highly sensitive child’s neurological system, you can take marbles out of the glass. For things that happen that stress your child’s neurological system, you add marbles. And now, let’s start our day.

If your child had a good night’s sleep. Remove a marble. A nutritious breakfast with protein, complex carbohydrates, and healthy fats (or, you know, some semblance there of) – remove another marble. But wait! She struggled to tie her new shoes, and now she’s really frustrated. Add a marble. She missed the bus! Add another marble. But then you decided to walk her to school through the park. Remove a couple of marbles.

So, what in the world do these marbles have to do with your highly sensitive child?

Well, all children reach a limit where they become overwhelmed. And highly sensitive children reach their limit before other kids reach theirs. Your child reaches her limit when the glass cannot hold any more marbles. Once the glass is overflowing, you’ll want to take a step back and adjust to use these five strategies more regularly.

But the good news is that you can consistently be taking marbles out of your child’s glass. You can’t always predict when a situation will come along and add marbles, but you can constantly be taking marbles out. ♥️

If you are still wondering if you have a highly sensitive child, see if you recognize any of these common traits of highly sensitive children:

Common Traits

of a highly sensitive child

They have a more pronounced need for control, which causes rigidity and inflexibility.
They are more fearful or cautious in new situations. Sometimes they observe for a time before joining in.
They have a low tolerance for frustration. The frustration of learning to master a new skill is intolerable to them, not just uncomfortable.
They are perfectionists and are loathe to accept losing.
They are extremely self-conscious, even when being complimented or praised.
They often experience emotional extremes. They might classify things as “always” or “never.”
They react more strongly to sensory input – sounds, smells, tastes, sights, and textures.
They are more prone to meltdowns.
They are insightful and empathetic, which means that they are often experiencing and absorbing more than they can tolerate.

I’ve been there, and my highly sensitive children need ongoing support in these five areas. What I’m about to share is a basic framework for holding things together daily. It is true for all of us, but it’s especially necessary for highly sensitive children. Think of this as a marathon and not a sprint. You may need a sprint in acute situations, but the marathon is ongoing.

Highly sensitive children can be easily overwhelmed, overstimulated, and just plain freaked out. Meaning – they’re losing their marbles. 😂 See what I did there? The glass is overflowing.

Sometimes, there’s so much going on that it takes all you can do to keep your marbles in your glass. It’s precisely during these times that your child probably can’t hold it all together.

image of black woman comforting her young daughter suggesting an emotionally sensitive child

A Sensitive Child Needs Consistency

All children thrive on consistency and routine. It allows them to feel in control of what’s happening around them. During times filled with unusual, albeit exciting, activities, giving your sensitive child a routine becomes even more important. Many children thrive on having a routine that they can count on. For example, try to maintain a consistent sleep schedule and daily routine as much as possible.

When you can’t stick to your routine, a sensitive child appreciates a warning that things will change for a period of time. They may need several reminders of each change in routine. So, for each transition, you will want to remind your sensitive child of what is coming up.

When you know routines have to change, sensitive children appreciate consistency in as many other things as possible. For example, family photos with a lot of family members, a new place, expectations for “compliant” behavior, etc. can be overwhelming. Try dressing your child in familiar clothes they like and feel comfortable in. Make sure you bring a snack for your child. Schedule some “downtime” for your child during the event. Agree on a signal with your child so they know they will have a break. Ask if they need a snack or a bathroom break. All of these things will help the sensitive child stay grounded.

A highly sensitive child’s world can feel overwhelming. To gain control, high-sensitivity kids may come up with fixed or inflexible ideas and expectations about how things should be. For them, this helps make daily life more manageable. “These seemingly irrational demands are coping mechanisms. The more out of control kids feel on the inside, the more controlling they become on the outside.” Parent Your Highly Sensitive Child

Highly Sensitive Children Need Good Nutrition

We all have behavioral expectations of our children. In order for children to meet age-appropriate expectations, they need both an immune system that keeps them healthy and a nervous system that functions optimally. Children need nutrient-dense foods to maintain optimal functioning of all their systems, including their immune and nervous systems. Their immune and nervous systems can become vulnerable during stressful or busy times.

Any significant changes in what children, especially sensitive children, eat can cause havoc on behavior. Do your best to limit your child’s intake of sugar and processed foods, especially when a lot is going on.

Unfortunately, I know this is exactly the time when it’s harder to do because you’re often in a hurry. Try to find a moment to put together some healthy snacks in containers you can quickly grab as you leave the house. Fruit and peanut butter make a great on-the-go snack. I keep a canvas bag handy; I can quickly throw in rice cakes, apples, carrot sticks or baby carrots (that I’ve already prepared or that I find in single serving size bags), and a container of peanut or almond butter. Try to substitute whole, unprocessed fruits or other healthy treats – these are genuine “fast food.”

close up image of seemingly sad young girl staring out of a window

Plan Ahead For Your Emotionally Sensitive Child

It takes a village. But your village can’t help you if they don’t know what you’re dealing with. Let your family and friends know anything special you want to adhere to for your child. For example, at bedtime, it’s easy to be thwarted by a well-meaning friend who says, “Let her stay up just a little longer! She’s having so much fun!” What they may not know is that your whole family may pay the price tomorrow. Make sure that family and friends know ahead of time your bedtime plan – or whatever plan it is that you’d like to adhere to for your child.

Sometimes, a sensitive child may want to open holiday or birthday presents throughout the day – or if there are too many – the next day. Maybe your child likes to take his time with his gifts; my oldest certainly does. Make sure that he feels safe in doing that – that he won’t be rushed or maligned.

Planning ahead helps your village support you, and it helps you provide the support that your sensitive child needs. While you’re planning ahead, think of yourself and do everything you can to reduce the expectations that you place on yourself. A stressed-out mom makes for a stressed-out, highly sensitive child!

At any time when you perform specific acts of kindness, know that this may be difficult for a highly sensitive child, and plan ways to help and encourage him while still leaving plenty of time to complete the project.

The Calm of Nature Grounds Sensitive People

Nature has a natural calming and grounding effect on us all. But, this is really interesting. Science says, “sensitive people feel more connected to the natural world and are likely to benefit more from outdoor activities. Additionally, numerous studies show that physical activity and outdoor play can help reduce stress and anxiety.” Making the Most of Outdoor Time with Highly Sensitive Children

As a result, prioritizing outdoor time is extremely helpful for sensitive children who are more prone to worries and meltdowns than their peers.

When times are really busy, your sensitive child can be grounded by any simple activity in nature. Take a walk, go to a park or a playground, play a game in the backyard together, or collect found objects. One of my favorite simple activities is to make a bracelet of 2″ masking tape with the sticky side facing outward. As you walk, your child can stick all of the items she collects right onto her bracelet! Or have a “hearing treasure hunt.” Being quiet – see how many things you can “find” with your ears…the rustle of the leaves, the chirp of a bird – so much is there waiting to be discovered!

…when psychologist Elaine Aron and her research team created the HSP scale — a scientific measure sensitivity — they found that a strong connection to nature was a common trait among those interviewed. In fact, our sensory processing sensitivity aligns perfectly with nature. Indeed, HSPs have a deep connection to, and feel at home in, nature — because it is part of our nature.
Nature Is the Ultimate ‘Release Valve’ for Overstimulated HSPs

Nature organically stimulates your senses—sight, smell, sound, and touch. I think it’s the combination of outdoor air and using all of your senses that makes being outside so calming.

Nature provides positive experiences for each of our five senses. Viewing the natural world helps reduce stress. The sounds of nature are soothing and help regulate our sympathetic nervous system (fight, flight, or freeze). Smells in nature – think flowers – help us feel happy, calm, and alert. Because this engages each and every sense, nature is one of the best ways to remove marbles from your child’s glass every day.

One of the boys favorite outdoor activities when they were young was bird watching. Bird watching engages so many of the senses and encourages focus and attention. It’s the best kind of treasure hunt!

young toddler girl on her back on the floor throwing a tantrum suggesting intense emotions of children

Highly Sensitive Kids Need Connection with You

The one thing that all children, but especially sensitive children, need the very most is you. Make sure that you schedule and carry through with one-on-one time with your sensitive child. We all love to do activities that we are drawn to – but your child most appreciates your willingness to enter her world. So set aside some time to read a book, cuddle, build, play dress up or even play video games with your child if that’s what they love. Your sensitive child must understand that you value time when you have one another’s undivided attention.

So I promised you a common thread. But what is it? Somebody told me once, or I read somewhere (I can’t remember, otherwise I’d tell you…), that if you have high expectations of your sensitive child – there are two potential outcomes. First, if you set high expectations yet offer little support to help your child reach those expectations, your child will fail and feel like a failure.

But, if you set attainable but high expectations (as you should) and offer an equally high level of support, your sensitive child will get through those irregular, intense, busy times with both success and a positive self-image!

I’m always careful to make sure I don’t set expectations beyond reach. If your sensitive child has had a busy day, outside his normal routine, or he has had little “down” time – it might not be reasonable to expect him to go out to dinner. Your highly sensitive child may need some downtime before he can meet your expectations. You know your sensitive child best!

That’s what you’re going for; what a highly sensitive child needs the most is a lot of support from you at the right time! Your support can help them meet your expectations during times when we all can become stressed out and overwhelmed.

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